The Common Pencil

If you’ve ever tried quitting cigarettes, you’ll probably recognize this pattern:

1. The idea of quitting fills you with worry, but also excitement. Dreaming of a future with better health and more money. Super motivating! You get started. 
2. Not giving in to the smoking habit causes some frustration, but it’s okay. It’s manageable.
3. Headaches, mental and digestive issues come around the corner. Your body is adapting to this new reality, making it tempting to just grab a cigarette to solve all your problems. More frustration.
4. Food tastes better, the air you inhale seems more ‘fresh’. You might even forget about the old habit sometimes. 
5. Years later you look back and think “happy to be done with that crap”.

Let’s call these 5 points stages. Overcoming stage 3 is the hardest part. I have attempted quitting several times, getting close to stage 4, only to let it slip. Meaning that I had my body go through that same frustrating process of adaptation, over and over again. Until I made it stop. 

Torturing myself with stage 3 felt more frustrating than quitting already was. But becoming aware of the pattern gave me the willpower to quit for good. I quit smoking (and have not used any other form of nicotine) nearly three years ago. 

But this post is not about cigarettes, this post is about drawing. Gesture drawing of the human figure to be precise. Gesture drawing is the most frustrating thing to learn. It feels so unnatural to me. Yet, I pick up the pencil with excitement, dreaming of drawing epic sword wielding fantasy heroes who bring their enemies down to ashes. Feeling motivated, I get started. 

The learning process comes with curses, until I get to a point where I begin to understand things. And then, I let it slip. I get distracted by other life-stuff and drop drawing for a couple of weeks. Only to have to learn gesture drawing again from (near) scratch.

Do you recognize the pattern? I keep dropping the ball at stage 3, the period of adaptation. I was unaware until a moment ago. Did I just manage to shine a light on one of my personal flaws? Quite possibly so. Can I apply cigarette-quitting-methods to my drawing discipline? However absurd this may sound, I think that might actually work.